Spiritual Gifts
The Gift of Encouragement
Ephesians 4: 29, Philippians 2: 1-13
Apparently, in August of 2007, I decided to join Facebook, which is an online community. I say apparently, because I studied it, joined and promptly forgot about it for 6 or 7 months. At that time I had one “friend” on Facebook. I have discovered it is pretty easy to accumulate friends on Facebook. All you have to do is send out an invitation to someone you know who has a Facebook account – and when they accept your invitation – they become your “friend” and you can talk back and forth with them right on your Facebook page. When I logged back in sometime around March 2008, two more people became my Facebook “friends.” One them didn’t have a picture posted with their name, so I really had no idea for quite awhile who she was. I didn’t log back in until early this week, and it has turned out to be a very good week for making new friends – because by Monday night I had seven “friends” on Facebook. I joined the American Baptist and the Grotonwood networks, and I also received a little Starbucks coffee cup on a post from my daughter. I have now joined the “I am addicted to Starbucks” network.
It is very interesting to have “friends” on Facebook. You can write to them on their “wall,” a place where you can talk back and forth to each other. There is also a space where you can type in exactly what you are doing or thinking at the moment, and that entry becomes a little news flash which goes out to your friends similar to a news feed. Here’s what some of my Facebook friends were thinking this past week:
- One was wishing her husband didn’t have to go away on a business trip.
- Another was packing her duffle bag for a vacation.
- Another wished that she could stop working to finish knitting a vest she was working on.
- Another was trying to weasel their way out of cooking dinner.
- Another was wishing it wasn’t so rainy.
- My friend from college was making a quick trip to Chicago.
- I wrote that I was writing a sermon about Facebook.
By Friday night I had ten friends on my Facebook page but by Saturday I had twelve. So it had been a very good week for friendship. I felt so loved, appreciated, listened to and validated. My self–esteem was soaring – until I visited my best friend from college’s Facebook page and found out she had 120 friends! My daughter had 52 friends! And even the person with no picture whom I still wasn’t sure about - had more friends that I did.
In that moment - my self-esteem plummeted and I felt so discouraged. Only 12 friends –when my best friend from college had 120 friends? I never could keep up with her – even in college. I always thought that she had more friends than I did. She was more athletic than I was. She was more musically gifted than I was. Although I do remember that we were both pretty evenly matched at pulling off practical jokes. I came up with the idea of filling up the Dean of Chapel’s office with balloons – which we did. And she came up with the idea of posting “Want a date” posters with the name and phone number of a fellow male student/friend all over campus - which we did. Today she is also a pastor – but even now – she has a bigger church than I do! And it was in the midst of that moment of discouragement, that I realized that being on the Starbucks network – was not at like having a real cup of hot black steaming Starbucks coffee with a friend.
What does it mean to have 12 or 120 friends on Facebook? And I began to wonder - who on my Facebook page – would take the time to talk to me in person – if I typed in that I was depressed or having an anxiety attack?
Who on my Facebook page – would take the time to encourage me – if I was worried about an upcoming event or a relationship in my life?
Who on my Facebook page – would take time – to come and listen to me? To talk with me? To pray with me?
Who would encourage me - whether in my fleeting moments of uncertainty and worry or in the longest and darkest moments of my life?
Who would do that?
Who would do that for you?
I can count about 3 or 4 people whom I consider to be my closest friends – those with whom I could tell anything and those whom I believe could tell me anything. Having that many close confidents puts me ahead of the majority of adults today, who reported in a 2004 study that they felt that in their life they had zero confidants. Zero. The majority of people today feel that they have zero confidants. That numbers down by thee – compared to a similar study done in 1984 where people felt that they had an average of three close friends.
Apparently - the majority of people today feel they have no one to talk to and have deep conversations with. No one to share their fears and anxieties with and no one to really share their joys and their hopes.
John Cacioppo, a Chicago based scientist wrote a book entitled; “Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection.” He was recently interviewed in a Boston Globe article, and in it he points out that we are a much lonelier group of people, even though we have more “social friends” on places like MySpace and Facebook. Some people have hundreds and thousands of friends electronically – but have no one to really talk to and pour their heart out with. They can send an electronic cup of coffee but they feel they have no one to talk through a difficult relationship with.
The author goes on to point out how loneliness is a real threat to our health and reports that loneliness “can impair physiological function, our ability to think clearly, and increase our level of depression.
The good news is that God has given each of us a special ability or a special tool of faith – to mutually help one another in our life – and that is the spiritual gift of encouragement. The good news is that we all have the ability to change the number of friends and confidants in our life – and we begin to do it by using the gift of encouragement. We all have the ability to encourage one another in our faith and in our lives. And there is more good news – for it is in the giving that we receive. It is in the giving of encouragement – that we receive encouragement in return. As we support one another - we will also be supported.
The scriptures teach us that there are a variety of spiritual gifts that are given to the community of faith – for the growth and the well being of one another. Everyone has a spiritual gift – or even two or three. According to Romans, 1 Corinthians and Ephesians these are some of the spiritual gifts that you have.
Administration
Creative Ability
Discernment
Encouragement
Evangelism
Faith
Giving
Hospitality
Intercession
Leadership
Mercy or Empathy
Prophecy
Service
Shepherding
Teaching
Encouragement is the use of our words, our actions and our presence for and with one another whether it is in times of need, loneliness, fear and anxiety or in moments of celebration and joy.
The lectionary text today is from the book of Philippians. Philippians is a beautifully, encouraging letter. It is only four short chapters, written to encourage the new believers and their community in Philippi, but it overflows with an abundance of wisdom and grace. Almost all of the Epistles were written to encourage, instruct and support the new believers. Paul, who was in prison at the time, writes in chapter two:
If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
A strong but gentle reminder, that love is the foundation of our faith and a life of faith. Paul points out that as we take care of ourselves – we also need to take care of one another. It is our responsibility to take care of both when he says; “Each of you should not look only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others.” Now that means that we should encourage and support one another – but we also must acknowledge that we cannot change someone else. It is good to listen and be present for one another – but we are not responsible for the change within them. The ability to change and grow – can only come from within ourselves. We can’t do that for someone else – but we can always encourage and extend hope.
We then read what is known as the Philippian hymn, which may have been an early hymn sung by the new believers that Paul included in his letter.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
And so this beautiful hymn, reminds us to empty ourselves of all the arrogant, proud and vain emotions that hurt us and separate us from one another and be filled with humility and grace as we encourage and support.
Ephesians 4: 29 also says “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” But Eugene Peterson puts it this way “Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.”
That might remind some of you of the Florence Littauer book, “A Little Silver Box With a Bow on Top.” If you are unfamiliar with her book, it reminds us that our words to one another should be a gift.
Usually when we pick out a gift for someone we take the time to find something that the person would like. We think about their interests and we pick out the gift, wrap it and offer it, hoping they will enjoy it.
Our words should be like little silver gift boxes with bows on top.
Our words should be gifts. When we say a good word to someone we edify, build up, and minister grace to them and when we do this – we are using the spiritual gift of encouragement. It is much more than being nice - it is a spiritual gift to encourage one another in the same manner that Jesus Christ and the disciples encouraged the body of believers. And what a blessing it is to be able to give someone a sense of encouragement, rather than a sense of discouragement.
We all know what it is like to be on the receiving end of discouraging or mean words. Can you think through your conversations the last couple of days? Have you been involved in a depressing, angry or cruel conversation? Can you think of words spoken that were just plain mean or stupid? In the heat of the moment – words are often spoken that can’t really be taken back. The words stick in your mind and you play that scene over and over again and you can’t let it go. You cry. You get mad. You hurt. You try to figure out what they meant – why they said it. You try to rationalize and you try to forget – but you’ll always remember.
Sound familiar at some point in your life?
Those types of hurtful, mean spirited, cruel or even discouraging words are called “stolen boxes” by Florence Littauer. You’ve knocked someone’s block off and instead of giving a silver box – you’ve stolen one.
Through-out the rest of the book – Florence Littauer explains different kinds of boxes:
- There are “mailboxes” – gifts of encouraging words given through cards and letters.
- There are “secret boxes” – gifts of encouragement done anonymously so as not to seek thanks for the good deed done.
- There are “flower boxes” - people that stick around with words of encouragement. They are like perennial flowers that come back time and time again to help someone through a difficult time. They don’t fade with the season but return and encouragement multiplies.
- There are “school boxes” – gifts of encouragement that come from school teachers and Sunday School teachers - who compliment students with their progress and their interest knowing that their choice of words is very, very important.
There are many ways to encourage and we all have the ability to use this spiritual gift.
If however you are feeling pretty discouraged yourself right now, and you might be thinking “well no one ever encourages or thanks me! Why should I go out and do that for others? No one ever does that for me!” When those types of painful emotions overwhelm us, then this is exactly the time that we pray through Philippians 2 and we ask God to empty us of anger, pride and arrogance and we ask to be filled with humility and grace.
There is a prayer by St. Francis that is known as the Peace Prayer. It is prayer that is also used in the Twelve Step programs. All of the twelve step programs are programs of encouragement - where one can find a deep well of support, friendship and wisdom. The prayer begins this way;
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
when there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
Grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand,
to be loved as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying [to ourselves] that we are born to eternal life.
We are all capable of extending words of encouragement to one another and it is a spiritual gift to do so. We are all capable of giving gifts with our actions and our words – even if it is on Facebook.
I realized this week that most of the dialogue between friends on FaceBook, is really taking place because of already established friendships and relationships. Friendships and relationships that took place over a period of time - in real time. Facebook may not be for everybody, but online communities are being used by millions of people, and when they are used with care, they can be another effective tool of encouragement for one another. I suspect that most of us who use them, already know that they will never replace real face to face conversations, and especially will never replace real cups of fresh, hot Starbucks coffee. This week may we all use the gift of encouragement in the giving and receiving of gentle words of life, grace and hope to those who cross our path.
Amen
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